You are Six!!

It is so wonderful having a birthday when you are a kid!

This year we were able to hold a party at our house yesterday 22 October 2011 and you were so happy and that made me and your Bak so very happy. You wore your beautiful Rapunzel costume and you got to play with your cousins and friends. Then you got lots of presents. You got your Toy Story cake. This year we only blew out the candles once. Malu dah agaknye Arwen in front of so many people, right?

The day before, Friday the 21st, Bak and I brought your much requested Boboi Boy cake to school along with party packs for your friends.

Later, after school we took you for lunch at Chilli's at One Utama. You were so happy because you told us "I love my birthday" and then added "Chilli's is my favourite restaurant!" mostly because you love, love the kids' cheese pizza. Yummy!

I hope you know how to appreciate and be grateful for the things you are getting because even though some other kids may be getting more exciting parties or more extravagant presents but there are even more kids who gets less than you. So we must always be grateful and thankful to Allah for whatever and all the rezeki we get ok. We don't want to spoil you with material things but I understand that as a kid you want toys. So there must be a balance ok. We cannot get every single thing that you want but what we can get we try all right.


Ok enough with the 'heavy'. We love you dearest Arwen. So so so much!! You will never know how much until you get your own child but in the mean time all you have to know and always remember that we love you, no matter what.

An exhausted but a happy girl :)

Baby sister?

Mama is going through something tough right now. Actually your Bak & I have been trying to conceive an adik for you. (you want a sister not a brother). Unfortunately even after 3 years ++ tiada rezeki lagi. We started trying after you turned 3 going on 4 really. Back then you didn't want a baby sister or brother. Now that you are older, you really want one. One adik. A sister, not a brother since of course you're a girl. However, a couple of months back I had to have a talk with you about the possibility of us not having another baby at all.

I told you that sometimes we cannot have what we want. Like this baby sister. It is up to Allah in the end not us. You said to me so innocently, "Maybe Allah ran out of babies....." No darling that is not the case. Allah doesn't run out of things especially not babies. Maybe I am destined to only have you as my child? I don't know. I hope not. I would really like you to have sibling(s).


You  even have a name for your baby sister. You want to name her Bella! So we try to doa everyday, "Oh Allah, please bless us with a happy, healthy, perfect baby sister for Arwen for us to take care and love. Amin."

The hardest part for me right now is seeing people around me even celebrities in Malaysia and overseas, families, cousins even fictional characters on the TV shoes that I watch are all popping out babies. Yang mama paling tak tahan dan sangat tercabar iman mama adalah bila mama tengok orang yang dah ada anak 2, 3 dan 5 orang, masih dapat rezeki tambah anak.


Mama berdoa every day dan juga berusaha tapi I feel like I have to start preparing myself or otherwise I will get hurt over and over again when my period comes every month.

Who is cute?

Sometime in June 2011 I asked jokingly " Who is cute Arwen? Me or you? and you answered in all seriousness and honesty " Mama you can't be cute. You're old." Terpinga-2 Mama tau hahahaha

Memories

I want you and your siblings (insyaAllah if and when they will come) to know about the history of my family. As such I attach here links to 3 videos I uploaded in YouTube. They are unlisted so only people with the links can see them. I hope you will be able to appreciate these one day.

The 1st video is of my wedding day. The day that I was the most beautiful and unrecognisable!
Baiza & Tuti's wedding 20.12.2002


The 2nd video is about Tok Mak and Tok Bak. My parents. Pictures from when they were young. Tok Mak was so beautiful and stylish! Tok Bak was and is very handsome still :)
Tok Mak & Tok Bak

The 3rd video is about my siblings. I love them so very much.
Mama's Siblings (Anak-anak Mak & Bak)

I hope you will enjoy these videos. Please also take note that I have and will upload your videos in YouTube for your future viewing. I think these are important and serve as priceless memories that will increase in value over time. This will be a part of your heritage. You will know what you are like when you are small and I hope you will appreciate all that I am doing. Its all for you baby!

Wii Play!!!

Bak bought the Wii last  August (during Ramadhan). Mama's not too keen on video games as I never liked playing any video game for long but with the Wii - I found it interesting as its an active video game. So anyway, you little cousins all want to come and play and yesterday we picked up Nisha & Tuah from their house after school to come and play Wii with you.

Tuah had come before this with Mak Lin (Nisha had her UPSR exam the other day) and had played Wii with you. When he left at about 11pm, I asked you to go up first while I cleaned up a bit downstairs. The next morning Bak told me that when you went up you went and woke him up from sleep and said "Bak, Arwen main Wii dengan Tuah. Arwen kalah." - hahahahahaha kelakarnye anak mama ni.

Then this morning when you woke up - suddenly you said out loud excitedly "Ma, yesterday Tuah just know my name!" hahahahahah I don't exactly know why you said that but I gather its because you and Tuah hardly played together before and you have never heard him call your name. So funny Arwen.

Apparently, you are very good at Wii boxing which is really quite tough and needs lots of energy. Yesterday you beat both Nisha & Tuah! You're the Wii boxing champion!

Arwen, Nisha & Tuah at McD Kota Damansara (27/9/2011). Lunch before Wii play!

Baju Kurung

Its currently Syawal and weekends are filled with invitations to family gatherings and open houses. When I was growing up I don't remember going visiting during Syawal very much. Open houses were not a norm too I think. When I was a teenager and a young adult, Mak was already sick - first wheelchair bound and later bed ridden; as such we don't get to go visiting as Raya was when the maids took longer leave and of course we can't leave Mak at home by herself. I remember always that relatives come to our house for Raya as Mak was the eldest girl in her family while Bak has many grown up anak saudaras who will come and visit with their kids. I remember too during that time if I do get to visit other people's house, I wanted to taste ALL their kuih raya as all I get to eat was the ones at home. It's nice to have something different for a change. :)

There was a point in my life that Hari Raya was the most tiring day in my life. What with the never-ending relatives coming and not to mention that the neighbourhood kids (perfect strangers) would come to 'beraya' and they were many of them! I was beginning to hate Raya and to this day I pity those who has to masak a whole lot and to entertain so many people in one day! On top of all this we had to attend to Mak too - washing, feeding, changing her and then there are dishes to wash! Oh my - first Raya has always been exhausting for most of my life except for when I was a child. Most of this stopped when I got married because I was no longer living at Tok Bak's. I couldn't help with the pre-preparations and first Raya now has to be divided into two between Menjalara & Gurney.
 
Anyway, while I was growing up I only wore baju kurung on hari raya (and for weddings!) and sometimes when we go visiting during Syawal but since it was not a norm for us to go visiting during Syawal (seriously I only found out that Syawal is a whole month celebration when I was a grown up!) so I never really, really wear baju kurung (except maybe when I was working at the office). As for you my dear, you have refused to wear the baju kurung from when you were 2 years old! So for hari raya that 2nd year you were in t-shirt and pants! Nowadays, its a matter of negotiation of wearing baju kurung. I can hardly comment on this because since I don't wear baju kurung that often so I can't really force you in wearing it but I do hope that you know that sometimes its wonderful to wear the baju kurung especially when its appropriately suited and at the right occasion.

Personally, I don't think NOT wearing the baju kurung makes me less Melayu but the other day we were at your Tok Lah's house for Raya visiting and as usual I was in jeans and shirt and Tok Lah commented. "Is that your baju raya?" and I said "Yes" and she said "Mak would have screamed her head off." and I went "Really?" because that sure doesn't ring a bell to me. Tok Lah said "Yes, you know how proper she was." But truth of the matter is I didn't know or else I forgotten about it in the last 15 years Mak was in a coma. I realised something though. My strongest memories of my mother was when she was already sick. Oh, I still have fond memories of what she's like before she was sick but they are not the strongest.  One of the set backs of being the youngest I guess. Uncle Amir lagi kesian - he was only 12 when Mak went into the coma. Cerita Uncle Amir deserves a whole lot of other entries.

Anyway, nowadays your Bak buys my baju raya for me as I don't really like shopping all that much and since I no longer work at the office - I no longer need to shop! and I'm beginning to find the less clothes I buy the better.

5 going on 6 year old talking

On last Monday, I tried to wake you up about your usual wake up time but you slept later than you usually did the night before so I guess you were still sleepy. So then you were already talking to me but your eyes were still closed - so you asked me "Ma, can you fix my eyes?" hahahaha I guess you didn't understand why you are still sleepy. So cute :)

The Sunday before that we had lunch at Chu Chom's house. You were pretty much enjoying your time ith Abang Afiq as always laughing away when suddenly you told him "I'm getting dizzy from all this laughing!" Pandainye komen anak mama ni.

Then there was a time just before August 2011. On that particular day you wanted me to play with you as always but lately Mama's been so busy and pre-occupied with so many things, so as you were walking up the stairs I heard you saying this - most probably you were talking to yourself but was intending for me to hear you at the same time.

"I always want to play with you but you are always so busy. All you do is work, work, work."

I was dumb strucked by that remark because here I was a full time mom at home, ready and available 24 hours a day and yet what you just said was so true. I didn't have time to play with you anymore. I must improve on that I know. I'm so sorry dear.