Beautiful Tok Mak

Arwah Tok Mak was so beautiful. Simply gorgeous. She had style and grace which I apparently did not inherit. Well maybe you did inherit that part of her Wen.

11 Aug 2010. You were almost 5 years old.

9 August 2015 - Almost 10 years old.

This was on my wedding day when I was the most beautiful that I have ever been in my entire life.

Family history - Tok Bak's side

Arwah Tok Sarfan

Arwah Tok Halimah

Dear Arwen,

The above are pictures of Tok Bak's parents. I interviewed Tok Bak for his family history just so that it will be remembered.

Tok Sarfan, born in 1857, came to Tanah Melayu from the island of Jawa in the year 1901. He was 44 years years old. In Tanah Melayu, he settled down in Ulu Tiram, Johor. He was a mandur and a pendekar. He is very skilled in the Malay martial arts of silat. Apparently, he was much feared as he was respected.

He married 11 times. There was a story that even when he had his eye on a married lady, he will be able to convince the married lady's husband to divorce the lady so that he can marry her. However, he had no children from the first 10 wives until he finally married Halimah Othman. Tok Halimah was born in the year 1904, which makes their age difference to be 47 years. Tok Halimah was probably 15 years old when they married and that makes Tok Sarfan 62 years old. Doesn't that just make your head spin?

Together, they had 11 children but only 6 survived. Their first born was whom I called Pak Long Jhom. He was born in the year 1920. Tok Sarfan had his first born when he was 63 years old. After Pak Long Jhom was born, there were 5 children but none survived for long until my aunt - Chik Kham was born. Then came my dad, your Tok Bak. Then his younger siblings came; whom I call Cik Peah, Cik Midah and Cik Rahman.

Your Tok Bak was born in 1940, which makes his age gap from his eldest brother to be a 20-years difference! The youngest child, Cik Rahman was born in 1951 and if you do the maths - it means that Tok Sarfan was 94 years old when he had his last child! This fact just blew over my head when I first thought about it.

Tok Sarfan passed away in 1962. He was 105 years old. Tok Bak was 22 years old and that means Cik Rahman, the youngest child was only 11 when the father passed away. So sad. He lived a long life but he didn't get to see his grandchildren.

Tok Halimah lived till she was 78 years old. She passed away in 1982 at the Gurney house. I was about 7 years old. I do remember her a bit but we weren't  close.

The FACES of 1990

Abang Alif made this video in 2012. The original footage was taken using Tok Bak's handycam. I transferred the analog video to digital using the device Bak bought online. Such a blessing 20 odd years later. It was not the norm to have a video camera way back then, so we were very lucky Tok Bak was into gadgets.

Mak Teh and Mama

Well lookie at what I came across today. I was probably about 7 years old here. You couldn't recognise us when I showed you the picture.

Tribute to a Sister by Jamilah Marjan

19 May 2011

My siblings and I got an email from Cik Lah last week. She had written a tribute to Mak. I had to share it with family and especially for Mak's grandkids. I wish that Mak had gotten the chance to know and play with all her grandkids. I wish I could have known her better too. She was an amazing woman with style and grace and was an excellent cook. I remember that she was not afraid to say her mind.  Most of her friends say that amongst my sisters I look most like her but I know that I lack the style and grace and I definitely can't cook! My sisters got that portion, I think. I also write more (privately) than I speak (publicly) :)

I want to say thank you to Bak for taking such very good care of Mak all these years. Your love & devotion to her is so amazing and something that all couples should aspire to. Despite the fact that she had been unable to talk to us for 15 years, her easy passing and knowing that now she is in a better place, I think Bak and us are still taken aback by her sudden departure. There is a void in our lives now and now we grieve and do what we can to help her in the after life.

Al-Fatihah buat Mak tersayang.

Cik Lah gave me permission to put her tribute in Facebook.  It is a lovely tribute. Thank you Cik Lah. Means a lot to me. - Tuti




Tribute to a Sister by Jamilah Marjan
Assalamualaikum Dearest Friends,

I just wanna thank everyone for all the doa either via emails or all the smses that I received. Arfah, to your question it's not my sister Kak Arah, Kak Amal or Chom. It's my sister Saedah. To your question Lin of my sister's departure seemed mengejut as I was with you ( did not mention anything) on Sunday with the Ustaz telling us that the ultimate is to die in khusnulkhatimah. I'd like to say that of my sister's departure. Arwah had a surgery done to take care of the veins in the head in May 1996. Don't know any scientific terms. After the surgery she was in a coma for several weeks and of which after that she seemed to recover but was bedridden and noncommunicative since then until the day she passed away yesterday.She was in that state for 15 years 1 week exactly (so my bro-in-law said) and not a single sin since. May Allah shower His blessings on her soul.

The first three in my family are boys and arwah was the eldest girl alive then. Girls being girls are always to help with taking care of her other siblings with 6 adiks below her. Dad a garderner and mom 'the career' as per Ida's email. A year after I was born she was already a trained teacher from Kirby, Liverpool (Al your mom went there as well kan?) and I kept the brown teddy bear she bought me until the time I could remember having it. Me and her are like 20 years apart.

When I was young, she was my ticket out of JB during school holidays. My bro-in-law was a MARA officer back then, he was my brother's best friend (kira kahwin dengan adik kawan la ni). After my sis got married she went everywhere her husband went and being a teacher it was easy to move as well. From JB to Jalan Merdeka in Batu Pahat, to Mersing ( Zurai, Al, I used to meet our childhood friend Hafsah after she moved there), Muar, then at Jalan Tranquerah in Malacca until she settled down in KL at 12, Jalan Kent Dua in KL.Al was her neighbour for a while, right Al?

Wherever she lived I would go visit and she will make sure we go to see places of interest. I still have photos at the Formosa diri tepi cannon. Then the Cannon seemed big but not anymore. My photos at tugu Peringatan and many more. My children pun tak de gambar kat tugu Peringatan. Climbing up Batu Caves you name it she would take us everywhere.Coming from an 'OK we have enough kinda background' (Zurai and Al probably remember my home or family- or I never invited them out of shame-I can't remember anymore), it was the world to me getting to see these places. In not so many words she was my mentor.

The day I went to TKC both she and my bro-in-law sent me. She was always the replacement for my mother and father since they were in JB and my sis in KL. Throughout the 5 years in TKC both of them and their children were my only visitors from the family. My parents never knew or seen TKC. The day I went to England too it was like I was her daughter, even though my parents were there sending me off.

Ever since she was married, in Batu Pahat, her mom-in law, her sister-inlaw and bro-in-law lived with her for many years. After that it was anak saudara my bro-in-law, then cucu saudara, then my brother, then me, then my cousin's son, my nephew and many more lived with her... Both of them literally open their houses to all the clans in need believe me not for a few days but some for years from start of semester to graduation especially those who studied at UTM... It was like that until she couldn't take care of anyone anymore. Her last intake was she adopted my cousin's son, Amir and took care of him like her own and he was the only one not around yesterday as he works in Thailand. Amir is as old as Reza. She has five children of her own 2 boys and 3 girls, all bathed her and yesterday the two sons received her and placed her at her final resting place.

There are no words to define love. Allah is love, family is love, children are love, grandchildren love and friendship like ours is love.Thank you.

Memories

I want you and your siblings (insyaAllah if and when they will come) to know about the history of my family. As such I attach here links to 3 videos I uploaded in YouTube. They are unlisted so only people with the links can see them. I hope you will be able to appreciate these one day.

The 1st video is of my wedding day. The day that I was the most beautiful and unrecognisable!
Baiza & Tuti's wedding 20.12.2002


The 2nd video is about Tok Mak and Tok Bak. My parents. Pictures from when they were young. Tok Mak was so beautiful and stylish! Tok Bak was and is very handsome still :)
Tok Mak & Tok Bak

The 3rd video is about my siblings. I love them so very much.
Mama's Siblings (Anak-anak Mak & Bak)

I hope you will enjoy these videos. Please also take note that I have and will upload your videos in YouTube for your future viewing. I think these are important and serve as priceless memories that will increase in value over time. This will be a part of your heritage. You will know what you are like when you are small and I hope you will appreciate all that I am doing. Its all for you baby!