Baby sister?

Mama is going through something tough right now. Actually your Bak & I have been trying to conceive an adik for you. (you want a sister not a brother). Unfortunately even after 3 years ++ tiada rezeki lagi. We started trying after you turned 3 going on 4 really. Back then you didn't want a baby sister or brother. Now that you are older, you really want one. One adik. A sister, not a brother since of course you're a girl. However, a couple of months back I had to have a talk with you about the possibility of us not having another baby at all.

I told you that sometimes we cannot have what we want. Like this baby sister. It is up to Allah in the end not us. You said to me so innocently, "Maybe Allah ran out of babies....." No darling that is not the case. Allah doesn't run out of things especially not babies. Maybe I am destined to only have you as my child? I don't know. I hope not. I would really like you to have sibling(s).


You  even have a name for your baby sister. You want to name her Bella! So we try to doa everyday, "Oh Allah, please bless us with a happy, healthy, perfect baby sister for Arwen for us to take care and love. Amin."

The hardest part for me right now is seeing people around me even celebrities in Malaysia and overseas, families, cousins even fictional characters on the TV shoes that I watch are all popping out babies. Yang mama paling tak tahan dan sangat tercabar iman mama adalah bila mama tengok orang yang dah ada anak 2, 3 dan 5 orang, masih dapat rezeki tambah anak.


Mama berdoa every day dan juga berusaha tapi I feel like I have to start preparing myself or otherwise I will get hurt over and over again when my period comes every month.